Sometimes I really wonder,
am I that worth your care and concern?
I feel that I'm such a bad role model for a girlfriend:
I'm indecisive, passive, and don't dare to voice out my views.
And when things go wrong, I hide in a corner and sob quietly, fearing that you will get frustrated.
I tried to not make you worry. But I guess, it all comes down to this: I'm really tired of this relationship.
I just don't know why, but I'm really really tired.
I don't wish to be at your beck and call, to be on standby 24/7.
I don't wanna tolerate your nonsense, just because I cannot find time to meet you.
I hate to see you get angry just because I'm unable to find time for you,
but.... sometimes I really really don't know what to do.
Perhaps, I didn't meet your expectations as a girlfriend huh? Lol.
Sometimes I really feel so suffocated around you, I feel like I'm a helpless kid lost in a shopping mall - waiting for passerbys to help.
I really wanna get myself out of this mess, but I don't know where to start, and I don't know how.
I'm now at a loss.
I'm confused, I'm hanging on a thread in mid-air.
Sometimes I just wish that this thread would break, and I would fall into the endless abyss.
But really, I'm tired of you venting your anger on me and treating me for granted.
Boy, I do have emotions. I do get upset, I do get angry and frustrated.
You tell me that you do not know how to treat me properly,
and yet you seem to take me for granted.
I wonder, should I disappear one day, how would you react and feel?
I'm doubting this relationship boy.
I'm really starting to.
My mind is really jam-packed,
and I'm suffocated to the brim.
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air.
You got me in the water so deep.
Please forgive me for letting go in this relationship, as I see no point carrying on anymore.
I'm really sorry darling, but this is what I have to say.
I've kept this inside for such a long time,
and it's time I that I tell you how I'm feeling.
I'm really really really tired.
Give me a sign, to go ahead and end this relationship.
Heartbreak is definite,
but I really do not wanna waste each other's time.
Thanks for the memories, they're great. =)
Forgive me for not considering your feelings.
I know I'm selfish, but in this world, everyone is.
I'm not trying to contemplate the others, but I'm really sorry for not being able to understand you.
I tried, alot of times, but you seemed so distant to me.
I really can't take this anymore.
Please forgive me for being so selfish. But I have no choice.
I'm really really sorry.
May you find the destined other half. <3
Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me this year.
But Jeremy, listen to me, I did love you once. For sure.
♥ Clararararara
15.9.08
15.9.08